People Still Update Blogs?

As of late, my output has been exclusively provided in 140 character segments. This world is ever-changing, and I must change with it. Remember when we all thought we were cool because we knew HTML, or CSS? We used to decorate our Live Journals and Vampire Freaks pages up to impress newcomers, crossing our fingers and hoping they'd give us a 10 for a rating? Those were the good ole days, way back 6 years ago.

When we finally got Myspace, we said "Okay, who really needs all these other social networking sites anymore? This shall be the new standard, and nothing could ever get in the way of this."

Shortly after Rupert Murdock purchased it, we all did the same thing when Facebook became a news item. "Oh no, that's okay. I have Myspace, I don't need to go to Facebook. Everything is fine the way it is right now. Besides, I finally have my profile looking exactly the way I want!"

Shortly after, there appeared a new status update on Facebook. "Randy has finally made the leap to Facebook and still doesn't see what the big deal is." One week later, after 30-60 friend requests from people he used to go to High School with and haven't spoken to in 8 years years. "Hey! Long time no see! How goes life?"

Who knew a day later they'd never say another word again? Anything to make that accumulated number of friends go up, right? "I think I spoke to them once or twice in Study Hall, right?" *sends friend request* (It's worth a shot)

So now who needs anymore distractions? Facebook has it all. "Twitter? WTF is a Twitter? Sounds raunchy!" Again, 3 months later there's a status update on Twitter, "No one's following me right now so I should probably just get right down to the point. Well, I can't right now due to a 140 character limit." After that point, I guess we're all supposed to think of witty things to say.

My juice for writing updates has been almost completely spent on that sort of nonsense. So I close with my latest update:

"This is a milestone in history, where officially every electronic device built is required to have an mp3 playing capability."

Blogs Are So 2008

And I am Two Thousand Late!

Between AIM, Twitter, Myspace, Facebook, Forums, Mobile Texting, Pictures, Podcasts, Youtube Videos, Mp3s, Downloading, Uploading, Torrents, Video Games, and watching content taped off of my DVR, how the hell am I supposed to also find time to Blog? Skyping is way out the picture now. I believe I'm suffering from sensory overload. There is not enough time to do everything I want to do. How is it possible with a full time job!?


My son is Starfy.

ConnectiCon is arriving very soon. This is one thing I very much look forward to. Video Games, DVD screenings, Manga, etc. How can I resist? This time around I won't be performing there, so I'll get to take advantage of gawking at overweight girls dressed in skimpy outfits, eating like a madman, and actually attending events without screaming, uncooperative kid. It'll be like taking a Klonopin, except with hallucinations!

I also invented a flying toilet. This is the prototype design.







Apparently roving gangs of Segue riders plague the bad streets of Boston. This I learned last month.






And even though it's 2009, and I'm 26 years old, Carousels are still just as uneventful as they ever were!

Anew Entry

I've been awful quiet these days in the Blog-o-sphere, and here's the main reason: I have nothing to say. Seriously, nothing.

Okay maybe now I have something to say.

Nope, still don't.

A few things to note down. Acer makes a crazy good and affordable Netbook and can be bought at Target for roughly $300.00. I've recently purchased one of these and am very impressed. It's seriously better than my desktop that my job forces me to deal with.

On vacation last week, we watched a Netflix movie streaming from a luxurious Knights Inn. I say "luxurious" because there was twice as much paneling than the normal motel, and we had a perfect view of a chicken coup outside of our window. I'm telling you, this is seriously the place to stay if you really don't like spending money, however enjoy a shower whose water pressure you could compare to a power washer. Needless to say that the layer of weather-proofing stain has now been completely removed from my body.

For Mother's Day, I bought Nina a puppy. We named the pug Hachi to show off how Otaku we both are. I'm just happy her hairs aren't making my allergies go nutty, and that if she's being really bad I could easily punt this thing a good 50-60 yards into the woods across the street. I'm not saying I'd ever write on here about doing that, because that would be cruel. No one needs to read that.

My wife looks beautiful in a bathing suit, but we knew that already. Recently we took a trip to Burr Pond, a beach where you get all the joys of a cool ocean breeze and yet none of the disgusting smell of rotting jellyfish, crayfish, and salt water from the polluted Long Island Sound. Seth enjoyed the hell out of walking up to complete stranger children and trying to play with them. He's going to grow up to be that creepy kid that comes around and invites himself to parties where no one actually wants him around.

Finally, how do you like them apples? I bought a fedora, and I wear it. I'm bringing the depression-era look back in a whole new way. Now, it's your duty to go out there and buy the hell out of these things so I don't look like the only jerk wearing mine in crowds. There's only so many toothless rednecks I can handle laughing at me and pointing, as if I'M the fuck-face!

It was fun however to find a box of coat-hangers in Ithaca labeled "FREE" and carry it through the market place. I told on-lookers that I'm handing out cheap and affordable abortions. (^_^)





For all sizes!!





And this is what I get for feeding my son Soy Milk. He's the one on the left, though I suppose in this picture it doesn't make a difference which one he is.

Our Fearless Leader

My new dog, Hachi.

Rant On Status Updates

Seriously, no one cares about the trivial little things that happen to you, especially when they aren't involved. Oh my, you saw a fucking squirrel in your backyard. Your baby just burped. Someone just drove their car through your living room. These are common things that happen everyday, to all of us.

There are always those archetypal people commenting back on updates too:

comedian: says some kind of pun, or (intentionally) misinterprets what you say for humor purposes. Problem is, he's the only one who actually thinks what he writes is funny.

advisor: they always give you free advice, especially when you don't want it

stalker: it's to be assumed it's always some pathetic guy who keeps trying to let you know that he wants to f*ck you over and over, but obviously never has a chance with you because you only want @sshole fucks that could care less about you. (oops, that's another rant entirely)

now I created a new one: The Honest One: they say exactly what's on everyone's mind.

off to bed
comment: where's that?
comment: make sure you keep warm!
comment: how about with me?
comment: seriously, who f*ckin cares?

waking up
comment: as opposed to waking down?
comment: stretch out too! That gets the blood moving!
comment: good morning sweety! ;)
comment: too bad, you should have ingested more arsenic.

I have a headache
comment: How much did you pay for it?
comment: you have to take this herbal remedy I heard about. It works, but I never tried it for myself.
comment: If I were there with you, I'd give you a nice massage.
comment: I hope your f*cking head explodes.

my tummy hurts
comment: hurts who? you? What a violent tummy!
comment: Try laying on your tummy for awhile.
comment: I would rub it and make it feel better.
comment: stfu you whiny, needy person who, in every situation where you're not feeling absolutely perfect you have to reach out and fish for people that will sympathize with you!

I just stubbed my toe
comment: Now why would you do that?
comment: Make sure to wrap it up lightly with tea bags if it's bleeding, so you don't get an ingrown toenail!
comment: want a kiss to make it better?
comment: If I see you I'm going to bite your f*cking toe off.

bored
comment: bored or board?
comment: go outside, it's a nice day! Get some sunshine.
comment: I'll come over and entertain you. ;)
comment: want me to come over? I have a new hunting knife I want to try out. I was told it's great at cutting through bones!

I Think It's a Relevant Find

My friend Jim compared to Matt Belknap from the Never Not Funny Podcast. Tell me, is that not strange? Both of them grew up in New England too!

You learn something new everyday!

It was more about the "do not drive or operate machinery" part that got me. I mean, this is tea we're talking about, not Nyquil!

Mysterious Hook Found In Suburban Backyard

What could it be?!

The Empire Strikes Back

Now that's a way to protest. 3 years to you!

In The Works

Coming up this Saturday will be the aforementioned "Anime Night" where all sorts of fun will be happening. Japanese food will be ordered, video games will be played, and animes will be watched. Dan's going to queue up a few of the favorites from the original "Anime Night" while I try to figure out how we're going to balance everything else out for the ladies. We have DDR w/ pads, as well as an N64 and Dan's Wii. In fact, it's starting to sound like we have too much to do, rather than too little! It's not like I don't have 2 video game/movie capable rooms in this house, so perhaps I may split the pack up?

Despite my mindless babbling, I'm very much looking forward to the event, as is Nina. (perhaps even more so!) It's a pity that today is only Tuesday. At least I have the podcast on Thursday to look forward to though!

Words From a Dictionary

Nina and I had an idea this weekend to start up a monthly 'anime night' where we invite people over to play video games and watch anime, and serves up neat Japanese meals. Right now we're shooting for the last Saturday of every month, starting with the 28th of February.

I'm not looking for a large crowd, though it would be great if we could get an average of 3+ extra people on average to chill out and party with. The trouble with us is that we hate, hate, HATE the bar and club scene, so even when Grandma will watch Seth for a night, we basically have nothing going for us aside from paying for overpriced tickets to a movie we only kind of want to see. It's pathetic! So we've decided to combine all the things we treasure most in life: Video Games, Television, Friends, and just about anything Japanese related.

MyFunFacts for the DS wouldn't seem like a game that would hold my attention, though I find myself staying loyal to the demands of daily training sessions with it. Retro Game Challenge is the other notable DS game that should not be missed!

Now another two week+ gap of blog writing while I catch up on the millions of things my DVR tapes for me. Also, Death Note Box Set 1 will be arriving shortly. Merry Birthday to me!!

Zoom

Time really goes by faster when you get older. I just turned 26 and it feels like just a few years ago I graduated from high school. It's been 8 years already! Yes, I'm aware that by the standards of the majority of people out there, age 26 is still considered a 'kid,' but that's the problem: I do still feel like one.

I've recently joined Facebook.com and 'reunited' with a bunch of people from the past. Nothing spectacular has happened, just more of what I've expected. Everyone has jobs and everyone updates their status messages hourly. No one can believe I'm now married with a kid. I suppose it's because I hadn't ever had a steady relationship in high school and perhaps they all thought I was either a) that weird kid that will die a virgin or b) a homosexual. From what I can tell, no one changed since high school except maybe me, but not by much.

Sorry, no payoff here. Joke's on you!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

I've gained about 7 pounds this last month. This is only a good thing. Ideally I'm going for 162 because according to a website Nina looked at, anything higher would be considered overweight, based on my height. (5ft 8in) That's fine by me, as long as it's only muscle I gain. I've been quite loyal to my routine of working out at the gym 3 times a week. The only times I skip is when I have to do some heavy shoveling of snow and ice in our driveway and sidewalk.

Appearance is at least 80% of what matters in life. Old Randy was skinny and weak. New Randy is big and strong, can hold his own, and will stand up for himself when confronted. Old Randy would want to stand up, but would logically conclude that it would only end in pain and damage.

I've now made this one of my number one priorities in life. I've set my mind to it and there's no turning back now. No more procrastinating. Only persistence. Because appearance is at least 80% of what matters in life.

This is not my opinion. This is fact.

Why Glorify Self-Centered Morons Who Only Ruin The Lives Of The Ones Closest To Them?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29038814/
my thoughts:

Selfish, immature woman gets glorified by the media and makes lots of money.

She should be old enough by now to live on her own, is single, having invitro fertilization, no spouse (father figure) present, and already have a tons of other kids whom the grandparents have to care for more than herself.

Verdict: Guilty of exploiting her own parents as a tool for dependency, and as a means to support her psychotic addiction to having babies, fueled by her need for control and excessive attention.

Should we cry when companies say they don't want to send her free diapers and formula?

No. I'm sorry, no. No support except to have these children forcably taken away and adopted by loving and caring families that want nothing more than just a few children of their own to give their FULL ATTENTION TO.

Sorry...I don't randomly troll around and comment on this kind of stuff usually, but I had to this time around.

Super Fun

I think I'm reaching sensory overload this week. Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 3 arrived in the mail from Netflix, Nina got me the original Star Wars Trilogy Remastered for my upcoming birthday, and I have half a million things to watch on my DVR. To top it off, Dan, my partner in crime, has provided me with tons of new and bizarre Nintendo DS games to play. On top of that I also have 3 Cowboy Beebop Mangas from the library.

With all of this going on, go figure this is the weekend I actually have plans! At 12 we're hanging out with Nina's pops and eating like madmen. At 5 we record a new episode of the Fair Use Law Podcast. (the suspense is killing me) Sunday we drop Seth off at Grandma's place to stay the night while Nina and I go to some kind of Superbowl shindig, if only to spend the entire time eating, NOT watching the game, and playing multiplayer Nintendo DS games with his brothers. How nutty is that?

What I've learned on my first week of watching Dish Network:
-Most celebrities are just popular hobos with money and homes. Neither of them can stay sober for even a minute, especially when televised.
-Now that I can finally DVR Late Night with Conan O'Brien, he's getting cancelled.
-There's evidence of 100ft. waves in the ocean.
-I missed the Soup.
-Retarded men are the only reason relationships with retarded women don't work, and for some reason it's never the other way around?
-Hi, my name is Randy.
-I'm addicted to television.

All I Want To Do Is Have Some Fun

I have given in to the almighty dish. Come Monday, the Lewis Household will finally have more than 6 channels on television. How could I resist when the plan comes with 2 DVRS?

I've already done research and made a list of shows and movies that will be playing late Monday and on Tuesday on the free HBO and Cinemax channels. Some I heard might not be so great, and others are strictly for Seth, but heck with it.

-Jumper
-Blood Diamond
-Shoot Em Up
-An American Tail: Fieval Goes West
-Shrek the Third
-Land Before Time
-Land Before Time 2
-Balto
-Ghost Trackers
-Christmas Vacation (who doesn't love that?)

The DVR capacity is 350 hours, so I'll have a field day trying to fill that thing up. I smell an addiction brewing...

Chuckle

A Radiologist exists:

Richard Woodcock Jr.

That's not just redundant, that's redundantly redundant!

Trial and Error

So, I'm not sure anyone was aware of this but Dannon makes a coffee flavored yogurt. I'm the idiot who apparently has no common sense, and to demonstrate this I had to find out the hard way that, on Dannon's part, this thing is not at all a good idea. Of course I try this with mindset, "Well if it's on the shelf it can't be too bad. Dannon wouldn't put out a product that tastes like complete shit, right?" Picture this: sweet sugar, bitter coffee, and tart cultures. If you are too chicken to try this out, or you have enough brains to know that this is a waste of your time and money, you can easily simulate the flavor of this item that Dannon labels "yogurt."

Faux Dannon Yogurt: Coffee Flavor
(the actual "cup of coffee version", not the "yogurt version")

This 'delightful' treat simulates the rich flavor of a Dannon Coffee flavored Yogurt in a way you can enjoy during breakfast, lunch, dinner, or whenever you'd normally need a nice caffeine kick. Bottoms up!

Materials:
Coffee Maker

Ingredients:
Coffee grinds
Water
Cream/Milk (or alternatively soy milk or non dairy creamer)
Kool Aid mix (bonus points for an extra sour flavor)

Directions:
1) Make a cup of coffee. (self explanatory)
2) Add desired amount of cream and at least a spoonful of Kool Aid mix.
3) Stir
4) Knock this one back

Assuming you're not an idiot, you have not tried this out yet, nor will ever consider using this recipe as a prank on one of your your worst enemies.

The verdict:
Coffee has no business with acidophilus. In fact, I shouldn't even be writing the 2 words in the same sentence together.

Celebrate Good Times. C'mon!

We celebrated diversity on MLK day by spending money at a casino run by the Mohegan Tribe. That was the least we could do. It's easy, just copy and paste into my blog what my Twitter says and you already got a sentence or so.

This was the first time ever for Nina to gamble with slot machines. We bet and lost the entirety of a five dollar bill on the 1/2 cent slots within 30 minutes. She learned that all you're really doing with slot machines is putting money into a machine, press glowing buttons, watch spinning pictures stop randomly, and then leave.

The arcade was much more fun, because we're both apparently still 10 years old. We scowled at a mother and her kid as they tried to use a machine that we patiently waited to get on for 5 minutes. The nerve! Can't they see we're just adults trying to ride the virtual roller coaster!?

On the way out in the parking lot, apparently levels one, two, and three were filled to the brim, so there were people in cars everywhere driving around looking for spots. When they would spot us walking to our car, they wanted to stalk us. Not just stalk us, but roll down their windows and ask us in desperation where we're parked. One heavy-set elderly woman and her heavy-set elderly passenger yell something unintelligible at us, which seems like it was intended to be in the form of a question. Not being able to decipher this special language, we immediately reply with the word "Yeah!" I have no idea what I'm giving the "okay" for. There are a line of cars behind her, who are all not moving because she's not moving. She puts the car into reverse, not looking into the mirrors, not looking behind her, just starts going. Woman behind her looks and thinks to herself "Hey, is that woman going to stop? What the fuck is she doing?" As the car nears closer to the hood of her car, she then speaks the phrase aloud "Hey, is that woman going to stop?! What the fuck is she doing?!" A few seconds before impact, she decides the best move is to honk, since she's now deduced that this crazy lady is having a senior moment. Immediately the car halts, and I kid you not, the word come out of the elderly woman's mouth: "BITCH!!"

Really? Who's the bitch? I'm confused. No, I'm not being sarcastic, who's the bitch? Was she yelling at the woman behind her for occupying the space behind her in the crowded parking lot, as if that's not something that would normally happen? Or is it us, more specifically my wife, who a) happens to be a woman and b) said "yeah" to the question she must have asked us, "Hey, are these people behind me imaginary? And if so, it's probably safe to back up, is it not?"

Also:
Oral Surgery + Vicodin - Vicodin = Fun for no one.

I'd Love Me a Hearse

Nina just had her wisdom teeth removed and is pretty much out of it these days. It's all good though once the Vicodin kicks in. It works even better if instead she is the one taking them.

Something is brewing for The Light Source. Stay tuned for that, if you are one of the few people who still 'surf the web' on your TV instead of a computer like a normal human being. Only normal human beings own computers. TAKE THAT, underdeveloped third world nations! Wait, that was kind of cruel. What do I have against them?

Remember Altavista and Prodigy Internet?

No reason.

Seriously, no reason.

Give Thanks To Your Enemies

A sex offender wins a lottery set up to benefit the victims of sex offenders. It's like having dinner with the person who ran over your son. Well, I get it was appropriate in this situation, but still kind of awkward.

The Joys of Posting Videos

How lazy can you get?

Well, if a picture is worth a thousand words, 25 frames a second, times 218 seconds, this is worth 5,450,000 words.

How many points then would I get in Scrabble?

Suggestive Advertising

Slumdog Millionaire may be slipping below the radar, though I have to say it's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time.

Other than that, the snow is coming. How bored am I?

Some Say Crisis, Others Say Opportunity

Okay, perhaps it's just bad all around. I'm trying to be optimistic for the new year! And we all know this attitude will last, tops, for another 10 minutes.

Don't read the news. Ignorance is bliss, it really is!

I have a bailout plan that would save this great nation of ours. I'm not going to bore you with the specifics, so I'll try my best to sum it up in one sentence: Lets all completely rob the 20 richest people on the planet, and split the booty equally.

Okay, I lied, let's get into it.

If we all were able to purchase and completely pay off a modest home to live in, our fears would mostly disappear. We'd even have money to spare to all go on crazy shopping sprees at our favorite department stores. (although I do not support Wal-Mart and prefer the Chinese slaves be cut lose, given a each a large mallet, and have a field day with the execs of the company)

I'm starting to sound way too much like a communist now, aren't I?

Our current laws protect these people because of our capitalist ideals. This is fine normally, even if people tend to be a bit greedy and needy for material possessions and overpriced sports tickets. Who am I to judge a person who wants a 24k gold personal massager? The problem is that 4% of people on average are clinically sociopaths and they are the ones with the pull. We need to identify these people and treat them as we do with all other people with mental problems: put them on reality shows.

They can each compete for a large sum of this new found wealth of ours, either by trying to lose 100 lbs. in 2 days, or by racing across the Atlantic using only unicycles as transportation. My feeling would be that the losers would all be incarcerated in sweatshops, forced to make the very products they forced the slaves to make for little to no pay, or we could take their American Citizen status's away, deport them to the Mexican Border, and have the Minute Men pick them off one by one as they try to jump the fences.

As for the winner, we give him the due earnings, however we ship them to a remote island where none of it is worth anything, and the only way off is to compete on that other reality show, which I can't quite remember the name of.

Ah yes, it was called I Love New York.

Who do you think should win?

Any other suggestions are welcome.

Post Holiday Sales For The New Year

Get used to my titles being misleading.

I've been spending time back and forth getting used to the controls of blogger.com and customizing the page up a bit. I even put my Google AdSense bar at the bottom so I can gain 37 cents by the end of the year. At this rate, in a thousand years I'll be rich! This is information no one cares about. Not even myself.

Day 4 of my new work at home status. Unfortunately it's also the second day Seth's had to be home with us while we work. He's bored as hell, and he makes sure we know it. Sometimes I wish I could just invent a car that was actually an oversize hair dryer, pointed directly at the roads, at least to make a path from the babysitter's house. I mean, we're really not getting our money's worth if he's there on average 4 days a week these days.

More boring personal info. My new year's resolution is to have less of that, moving forward.

Tomorrow is episode 6 of Fair Use Radio, so keep your ears open. Well, they should normally stay that way on their own, though I'd advise you to get something in them to insure this continues. I was thinking toothpicks.

I mean, it's not like they're my ears!

Hello World

Apparently a few years back I made a backup blog on Blogspot under ether667.blogspot.com. Trouble is, I have no idea how to log in to it because I don't know what email address I gave, nor password. I've not found a way to figure that out yet. If/when that happens, I'll gladly transfer this blog over there, but for right now (and possibly forever) it's ethersblog.blogspot.com/.

This new blog is a result of the catastrophic end of Journalspace, which warehoused my original blog. Unfortunate for me, all information was lost and nothing was backed up. (I'm an idiot) On the plus side, I now officially have a blog at the same place my two partners in crime do, along with the official place for the Fair Use Law Blog, which is a podcast that I produce and co-host.

Perhaps this is a good way to have a clean slate on things and be able to actually do some good in the world. By good, I mean waste my time as well as other unfortunate people who happened to stumble on my blog. Who am I kidding, those people are really just going to be me, over and over and over.

Or maybe it's YOU who are the unfortunate one!