Overwhelming. That's the first word that comes to mind.
I've scheduled an appointment next week for a therapy session. I'm hoping someone can help me to get to the root of my issues and flush them out. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Some people get addicted to feeling like this and take some sort of sick pleasure from it. It must give them some sense of a personality or something. For me, it's more of a hurdle, and at the moment I'm running the race in a wheelchair.
Yet another trigger set me off this morning. For the first hour or so I just sit around unable to think of anything else but the pain this depression brings. I'm stuck at the bottom of a deep, dark hole and can only see a dim flicker of light above. Faith is what keeps my head up. Like being hit by a truck, I'm paralyzed, left stranded in the middle of the road until I regain consciousness.
When I get this way, I feel like I want to chop my legs and arms off. Is this why they call it "Crippling Depression?"
One theory is that it's the changing of the seasons, Every year about late August and September something occurs which has a huge negative impact on my life. Nothing too drastic seems to have happened this year, so perhaps it's more related to the actual environment changes. The days are getting shorter. The air is cooling down. Are the issues that I face these days only magnified due to these changes? Could it just be how my mind reacts differently at other points of the year?
The real victim here is my creativity. I've been all gung-ho about being creatively productive and yet here I am a month later with pretty much zero new works. It's a catch 22. I get upset over the lack of output, which in turn makes me output less.
By the looks of it, it sounds like there's an issue with my starter.
- Ether
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