I often peek through the venetian blinds to observe the world outside, challenging all the hypotheses with what I eventually learn is the truth behind it all. Usually I get it right 70% of the time, however I'm deeply moved when I completely missed the mark. It's actually quite a relief! My
world really isn't as bad as I make it out to be? This is only good news!
Yet here I am, remaining trapped in the fortress I've built. It took me many years to complete, though I was motivated highly the whole way through. I was motivated by my mistakes, my battle wounds. The movies projected on the walls of my retinas continuously as I squinted, focusing my lenses to see the nail and hammer. With each stone I lifted I felt the pain in my muscles, which reminded me of the pain in my damaged soul. It let me know the importance of what I was doing. How vital it was to protect my existence!
Silently judging, I'm forced to shrug each time a car passes going 30mph over the speed limit, the driver unfocused on anything else but the conversation they're having on their smart phone. The kid on the bike in front can't hear the car behind him, since his headphones are plugged into his mp3 player, on full volume. I repeat to myself, "It's okay, it's not your place. This is nature, my friend. Embrace and accept the natural world."
And so I circle around the crash site, eager for the bodies to become corpses. Then I'm off again.
- Ether
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