This Prozac isn't working anymore. I lose my shit all the time, big time. Therapy is something that I'm seeking at the moment, since I have tons of issues to work on, especially due to my life situation. I'd like to think of myself as thoughtful, reserved, and certainly not impulsive. So here I am, becoming my own worst enemy. My body/mind are not at ease and when I run into one of my triggers I consciously think about trying to calm down, but am unable to. When I was first on this stuff it was all good. I suppose after 2 years of taking it I've built up quite a tolerance.
Tolerance is a word of irony here.
Perhaps I've learned this as a new defense mechanism, taught to me through the actions of others. Offense, in this case, is perceived as the greatest defense. If I'm more mad, I win. It's not right at all, and yet I've found no other alternative that has worked for me for coping with my world. I need help, professional help, in order to relearn how to relax again.
On one hand I know that from a Buddhist perspective that my suffering is mostly caused by my non-acceptance of reality. This, I can consciously see, and yet my body reacts differently. My last ditch effort is try to repress my feelings, which we all know only makes matters worse. It's just not as easy as it all sounds.
I reiterate...I need help...
- Ether
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