Super Fun

I think I'm reaching sensory overload this week. Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 3 arrived in the mail from Netflix, Nina got me the original Star Wars Trilogy Remastered for my upcoming birthday, and I have half a million things to watch on my DVR. To top it off, Dan, my partner in crime, has provided me with tons of new and bizarre Nintendo DS games to play. On top of that I also have 3 Cowboy Beebop Mangas from the library.

With all of this going on, go figure this is the weekend I actually have plans! At 12 we're hanging out with Nina's pops and eating like madmen. At 5 we record a new episode of the Fair Use Law Podcast. (the suspense is killing me) Sunday we drop Seth off at Grandma's place to stay the night while Nina and I go to some kind of Superbowl shindig, if only to spend the entire time eating, NOT watching the game, and playing multiplayer Nintendo DS games with his brothers. How nutty is that?

What I've learned on my first week of watching Dish Network:
-Most celebrities are just popular hobos with money and homes. Neither of them can stay sober for even a minute, especially when televised.
-Now that I can finally DVR Late Night with Conan O'Brien, he's getting cancelled.
-There's evidence of 100ft. waves in the ocean.
-I missed the Soup.
-Retarded men are the only reason relationships with retarded women don't work, and for some reason it's never the other way around?
-Hi, my name is Randy.
-I'm addicted to television.

All I Want To Do Is Have Some Fun

I have given in to the almighty dish. Come Monday, the Lewis Household will finally have more than 6 channels on television. How could I resist when the plan comes with 2 DVRS?

I've already done research and made a list of shows and movies that will be playing late Monday and on Tuesday on the free HBO and Cinemax channels. Some I heard might not be so great, and others are strictly for Seth, but heck with it.

-Jumper
-Blood Diamond
-Shoot Em Up
-An American Tail: Fieval Goes West
-Shrek the Third
-Land Before Time
-Land Before Time 2
-Balto
-Ghost Trackers
-Christmas Vacation (who doesn't love that?)

The DVR capacity is 350 hours, so I'll have a field day trying to fill that thing up. I smell an addiction brewing...

Chuckle

A Radiologist exists:

Richard Woodcock Jr.

That's not just redundant, that's redundantly redundant!

Trial and Error

So, I'm not sure anyone was aware of this but Dannon makes a coffee flavored yogurt. I'm the idiot who apparently has no common sense, and to demonstrate this I had to find out the hard way that, on Dannon's part, this thing is not at all a good idea. Of course I try this with mindset, "Well if it's on the shelf it can't be too bad. Dannon wouldn't put out a product that tastes like complete shit, right?" Picture this: sweet sugar, bitter coffee, and tart cultures. If you are too chicken to try this out, or you have enough brains to know that this is a waste of your time and money, you can easily simulate the flavor of this item that Dannon labels "yogurt."

Faux Dannon Yogurt: Coffee Flavor
(the actual "cup of coffee version", not the "yogurt version")

This 'delightful' treat simulates the rich flavor of a Dannon Coffee flavored Yogurt in a way you can enjoy during breakfast, lunch, dinner, or whenever you'd normally need a nice caffeine kick. Bottoms up!

Materials:
Coffee Maker

Ingredients:
Coffee grinds
Water
Cream/Milk (or alternatively soy milk or non dairy creamer)
Kool Aid mix (bonus points for an extra sour flavor)

Directions:
1) Make a cup of coffee. (self explanatory)
2) Add desired amount of cream and at least a spoonful of Kool Aid mix.
3) Stir
4) Knock this one back

Assuming you're not an idiot, you have not tried this out yet, nor will ever consider using this recipe as a prank on one of your your worst enemies.

The verdict:
Coffee has no business with acidophilus. In fact, I shouldn't even be writing the 2 words in the same sentence together.

Celebrate Good Times. C'mon!

We celebrated diversity on MLK day by spending money at a casino run by the Mohegan Tribe. That was the least we could do. It's easy, just copy and paste into my blog what my Twitter says and you already got a sentence or so.

This was the first time ever for Nina to gamble with slot machines. We bet and lost the entirety of a five dollar bill on the 1/2 cent slots within 30 minutes. She learned that all you're really doing with slot machines is putting money into a machine, press glowing buttons, watch spinning pictures stop randomly, and then leave.

The arcade was much more fun, because we're both apparently still 10 years old. We scowled at a mother and her kid as they tried to use a machine that we patiently waited to get on for 5 minutes. The nerve! Can't they see we're just adults trying to ride the virtual roller coaster!?

On the way out in the parking lot, apparently levels one, two, and three were filled to the brim, so there were people in cars everywhere driving around looking for spots. When they would spot us walking to our car, they wanted to stalk us. Not just stalk us, but roll down their windows and ask us in desperation where we're parked. One heavy-set elderly woman and her heavy-set elderly passenger yell something unintelligible at us, which seems like it was intended to be in the form of a question. Not being able to decipher this special language, we immediately reply with the word "Yeah!" I have no idea what I'm giving the "okay" for. There are a line of cars behind her, who are all not moving because she's not moving. She puts the car into reverse, not looking into the mirrors, not looking behind her, just starts going. Woman behind her looks and thinks to herself "Hey, is that woman going to stop? What the fuck is she doing?" As the car nears closer to the hood of her car, she then speaks the phrase aloud "Hey, is that woman going to stop?! What the fuck is she doing?!" A few seconds before impact, she decides the best move is to honk, since she's now deduced that this crazy lady is having a senior moment. Immediately the car halts, and I kid you not, the word come out of the elderly woman's mouth: "BITCH!!"

Really? Who's the bitch? I'm confused. No, I'm not being sarcastic, who's the bitch? Was she yelling at the woman behind her for occupying the space behind her in the crowded parking lot, as if that's not something that would normally happen? Or is it us, more specifically my wife, who a) happens to be a woman and b) said "yeah" to the question she must have asked us, "Hey, are these people behind me imaginary? And if so, it's probably safe to back up, is it not?"

Also:
Oral Surgery + Vicodin - Vicodin = Fun for no one.

I'd Love Me a Hearse

Nina just had her wisdom teeth removed and is pretty much out of it these days. It's all good though once the Vicodin kicks in. It works even better if instead she is the one taking them.

Something is brewing for The Light Source. Stay tuned for that, if you are one of the few people who still 'surf the web' on your TV instead of a computer like a normal human being. Only normal human beings own computers. TAKE THAT, underdeveloped third world nations! Wait, that was kind of cruel. What do I have against them?

Remember Altavista and Prodigy Internet?

No reason.

Seriously, no reason.

Give Thanks To Your Enemies

A sex offender wins a lottery set up to benefit the victims of sex offenders. It's like having dinner with the person who ran over your son. Well, I get it was appropriate in this situation, but still kind of awkward.