Moonwalking

Often I examine my actions from a third person perspective, much like I do in dreams. I see myself acting and reacting to different situations. There are times I know I'm on autopilot, when my actions contradict my better judgement. Impulse takes over. The addictions are too strong! However, at least the viewing blinds have been opened and I can see the horrors that once hid behind the opaque walls I've created. Grotesque and nauseating. Once faced with these images, how could one not be compelled to change?

Perhaps now the feeling could be described as 'Moonwalking.' It all seems surreal when my actions are in sync, exactly how I desire them to be. A paradox of 'not me' and 'the real me.' I've not read anything about this feeling, though I know it has to exist in others. It's that thing where when a girl finally meets a guy who won't abuse her and instead will love her openly and wholeheartedly, her feelings are completely torn. "Is it a dream? There's no way this can be happening, I'm not worthy of this!"

Unfortunately if she's not careful, she'll sabotage the whole thing.

The Unknown is an amazingly frightening place. Of course we all have to fill in the void with some kind of expectations, and these usually become the reasons why we avoid stepping out of our comfort zone. I want to know how I'm going to feel. I want to control the situation so I can avoid pain. This is why I grew up shy, and why as an adult I hesitate before making decisions. The consequences of not doing this were horrific. I trusted the world, and it taught me the harsh lessons of reality. By default I'm still a loving and caring individual, yet my subconscious continues to protect me from danger. When I dive into the pool, this friend of mine immediately plugs my nose up and covers my eyes.

With each jump and landing, moon dust expels from my shoes soundlessly. I tell myself that this is normal, since I'm obviously on the Moon at the moment. My body however is Earth-born, and so with 28 years of being affected by it's gravity, this whole process takes some getting used to. I don't fall as easily, and when I do I just sort of bounce and roll around a bunch. I can't help but laugh when that happens.