It's interesting. The relationship between the outside world and the inside world. How they affect each other. One's mind uses the body to conform the world around. The world, with it's powerful omnipresence, molds and forms the body and mind to it's will. A manipulative, codependent relationship. That's not true. I don't believe the outside world requires the observers. It's indifferent.
My meter is calibrated differently than others'. What's too much and too little is only relative. Varying degrees of one or the other.
When one world becomes unbearable I retreat to the other, arms flailing. I shut my mouth and let others speak, or I hide away and close my eyes.
City Cyan
Friday, December 10, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Probably Should Be Using This
Everyday I used to post. Well, back perhaps five or six years ago. Ten years ago, definitely. Posting kept me connected to the objective world, whatever that is. I can say I have nothing to say, and that would be a paradox. That was said, so it was something.
I've been on fluoxetine for over a year now. If I had to guess, I'd say it's only been beneficial. It stops me in my tracks before I can really get depressed or angry. The stuff is almost like a new voice in my head, whispering quietly every once in awhile. "Down? But why?" This, along with consistent meditation. Now I realize how much power I gave to material possessions and, regardless of value, have given most of them up. Sold the things that would sell and disposed of the stuff that wouldn't, by either donation or by simply tossing in the trash bin. There's still more work to be done. Isn't there always?
A new baby is on the way, perhaps in another week or so. If my stress threshold hasn't been tested enough, this will bring it to the next level. It will test my patience for dealing with more things outside of my control. I consider myself on the right track though. Certain things, upon immediate reflection, will be allowed to be. Instead of judging the situation and claiming it's wrong, panicking, I simply observe and examine. Take a step back. Of course, I have to be consistently reminding myself to do so and do catch myself forgetting.
Control yourself.
With my new Kindle e-book reader I've been reading quite a bit. No real video game playing. No real TV or movie watching. Between that and my Zune HD, I think I pretty much have everything to keep me entertained, especially at work!
Also, I gained about twenty-five pounds in the past few months. I'm guessing that my more relaxed state, and lack of exercise, has caused me to eat a bit more than I'm used to, even just subconsciously. That, and we switched from ground turkey meat and turkey bacon to beef and regular bacon. Half & half in my coffee too. And no more Rockstar Energy drinks. Just coffee.
I've been on fluoxetine for over a year now. If I had to guess, I'd say it's only been beneficial. It stops me in my tracks before I can really get depressed or angry. The stuff is almost like a new voice in my head, whispering quietly every once in awhile. "Down? But why?" This, along with consistent meditation. Now I realize how much power I gave to material possessions and, regardless of value, have given most of them up. Sold the things that would sell and disposed of the stuff that wouldn't, by either donation or by simply tossing in the trash bin. There's still more work to be done. Isn't there always?
A new baby is on the way, perhaps in another week or so. If my stress threshold hasn't been tested enough, this will bring it to the next level. It will test my patience for dealing with more things outside of my control. I consider myself on the right track though. Certain things, upon immediate reflection, will be allowed to be. Instead of judging the situation and claiming it's wrong, panicking, I simply observe and examine. Take a step back. Of course, I have to be consistently reminding myself to do so and do catch myself forgetting.
Control yourself.
With my new Kindle e-book reader I've been reading quite a bit. No real video game playing. No real TV or movie watching. Between that and my Zune HD, I think I pretty much have everything to keep me entertained, especially at work!
Also, I gained about twenty-five pounds in the past few months. I'm guessing that my more relaxed state, and lack of exercise, has caused me to eat a bit more than I'm used to, even just subconsciously. That, and we switched from ground turkey meat and turkey bacon to beef and regular bacon. Half & half in my coffee too. And no more Rockstar Energy drinks. Just coffee.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
You Bet!
Blah blah. Haven't blogged in awhile. Facebook. Twitter. Life. You know, excuses.
I've surpassed 20k words on my novel. For once I don't completely hate what I'm writing. Nanowrimo asked for 50k, and I tried, but it's not easy with a full time job, family, and more excuses.
Ah shoot. I haven't made coffee yet. Ask me later about the rest of my thoughts.
I've surpassed 20k words on my novel. For once I don't completely hate what I'm writing. Nanowrimo asked for 50k, and I tried, but it's not easy with a full time job, family, and more excuses.
Ah shoot. I haven't made coffee yet. Ask me later about the rest of my thoughts.
Monday, September 20, 2010
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